thin enough for you!?

I was scrolling through a few channels on tv the other day and landed on some show called 'Fashion Files' featuring the smallest, tiniest, skinniest, most disturbing 3rd-world looking models ever!! It's funny what these desigers consider a plus size nowadays! A plus size is someone who starts at size 14 and up.... but meanwhile, walk into any higher end store in a mall and try to find even a size 10 in anything they feature at their window! Not happening!

The average woman in today's society is a size 12. The exact measurements of a size 12 woman may vary due to her body shape (pear, apple, square) etc, but nonetheless, the size 12 woman is not fat! She is average! Yet running through the racks of Suzy Shier the other day, and all I see is size 7's! Let's be realistic for a moment! If the average woman is a size 12, wouldn't it make more sense to offer more merchandise in that size in order to sell? Instead of stocking the store with size 7's which these average women cannot fit into, and are now left feeling horrible about themselves for not getting that really nice skirt, cause her hips are 5 sizes too big!

Let's take a peak at what a size 12 looks like....

Let's take a look at the 3rd-world looking models I saw on the catwalk the other day on the show...

This is high fashion?

All the work by the ever so famous and gorgeous size 12 Miss Marilyn Monroe, to make women of a plumper nature look and feel sexy and beautiful all tossed out in the 70's by some half-witted photographer who thought 'this' was sexy....

Twiggy

Well thank-you-very-much Mr. High-End photographer... but I'd rather look like those sexy plump women on top than this see-through piece of poo!

It just kills me that little girls out there are all feeling like they have to aspire to be paper-thin when reality is, a woman has curves, shape, hips, butt and thighs... she is beautiful inside no matter what she looks like outside.... and they are just not taught that nowadays.....

I was always a chubby girl... even as a kid... always chubby! My number one defender was my big brother! While other kids had brothers who teased them and made them feel bad, not mine! He was always there to defend me, and always there to stick up for me! I don't think he even to this day realizes how much that did for my self-esteem! Thanks brother!! :)

As for my mom... she would always say growing up, that I couldn't find someone who was a model if I, myself, did not look like one! Well you know what mom!? I have found a great man! And he's tall, and kind, and gorgeous to me! And he thinks I'm beautiful... blubber and all! So there goes your theory... shot out the window just like that!! And I make sure to tell her this on every occasion I get... especially if she starts the weight talks.....

As for the point of this particular blog, well... just to remind us that when comparing apples to oranges, sometimes the bigger the apple or orange, the better! Isn't that the saying anyway?! The bigger, the better?!

I'll happily remain a size 10-12 thanks! I'm finally comfortable in my own skin!

Urinals?

I was talking complete nonsense to my friend the other day about an email I received of a funny urinal! When I got to work the next day, I decided to Google just that!

Google: funny urinals

I was quite surprised with what came back at me! 579,000 hits on that one topic alone! Impressives! So here they are for your viewing pleasure... a mini collection of the funny ( and sometimes disturbing and weird) urinals out there! Enjoy!

uuummm..... ok!

what a cute fishy!

now that's pride for your President!!

AAAAHHHHHHH!!

Sarcraligious!!!

So pretty!!

Comes equipped with handle bars!

for the geek in all of us!

I.... I don't have words for this one!

Eek!

it's going to bite it off!!! Run!!!!

Creeeeeepy!

This is the one it all started off with!

Nice!!!

Sax-a-ma-phone!

ok, these aren't urinals, but funny enough to include!!

"me wishy you good pooh!!"

TTC etiquette anyone?!

So it's Monday morning at 8:45am on the Queen streetcar... Terci took it with me this morning and hasn't had to in God knows how long becuz she's been car-pooling for so long! We get on and there's absoutely no space! Crowded! And if you've been on the rush hour Queen streetcar, you knoooow it's a mess! we get in and make our way to the centre of the car... holding on to the handrails she looks around at all the heads bobbing around us and says....

"Geez, I feel like I'm gonna catch lice on this thing...."

I burst into tears!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

That might be one of the funniest things I've heard about the TTC!

Still on the topic, Shellie comes up to me this morning, disgusted and mad....

"Vee! I have something to tell you! This morning on the train coming in... some person was clipping their nails!!! CLIPPING THEIR NAILS!!! I don't know if it was their toe nails, or their finger nails, all I know is that I kept hearing 'clip....clip....clip.........clip' for 5 minutes straight! Wtf!! that's so something you do at home!!!" and she angrily storms off!

ooooooh the TTC! So many disgusting memories of our transit system! We pay $2.75 for people who don't wear deodorant to rub their armpits in our faces on the crowded subway... for people clipping their nails on us.... for people falling asleep, snoring and falling over onto your shoulder.... for people with baby carriages who take up the whole front of the car so that you trip and fall when you try to get on.... for the old people who smell like pee and sit on that front seat.... for the loud teenagers who think it's cool to sit so far apart and scream at eachother.... and for the flashers.........

Which brings me to this one time when I was 16 and a bunch of friends and I went out to Mandarin and Karaoke for someone's birthday!

That was our tradition in highschool! There was about 10 of us... we'd get together at the same Madarin as always... Canada Square! We'd eat to our hearts content and at the end of the night, we'd make this one special treat for the birthday boy or girl! We'd take a cube of jello (and if you've had Mandarin jello.. it's hard as nails!) and we'd dig a hole in the middle and fill it with any liquid on the table! Soy sauce, juice, ketchup, vinegar... whatever! And top it off with a little salt and pepper and whip cream!! and that poor birthday boy or girl had to eat it!!!

I never did though! Don't know how I managed to get away with that!!

Then we'd steal a bunch of those jello cubes and throw them at the windows of the Mandarin outside and watch them stick!! It was hilarious!!!

but there's a point to this story so stick with me... it does involve the TTC!! I promise!!

(Random karaoke pic... have no idea who these people are... just noticed the room was kinda the same as the ones at the karaoke place... and can someone please tell the big girl in the jean skirt that black tights under a mini is not so sexy!!)

So anyway.... after dinner, we'd head over to this karaoke place on Bloor and Bathurst near the Honest Ed's (still there and the best private karaoke in town!! Cheapest too!) On our back home from there, around 1am, the guys had driven to Mandarin and couldn't fit everyone in the car, so a bunch of us girls just took the TTC home.... we're sitting there in one of the empty carts being loud obnoxious girls and we stop at a station.... this man in a long beige trench coat, hat and goggle glasses steps into the cart where we are and opens his trench!! There it was... red, big, hard and throbbing!! He bounched it up and down a few times for us, before the warning chimes of the doors went off, and he quickly jetted out and ran!! That 'thing' was all of a palm away from my face! Ewwwwwwwww! That was the closest I'd been to a penis ever!!! (me being the saint I was at 16!!)

ssssoo yes.... we pay $2.75 for the stinkies, the rude, and the flashers!!!!

Thanks TTC!

That's one childhood memory I won't be soon forgetting!

so when ones' significant other says "I'm a butt man.." or "I'm a boob man.." automatically the girl's reaction is to check that particular part of her body in a mirror and judge herself on whether or not she is, in fact, worthy of appraisal in that said department.....

"I'm a leg man... I love long legs! the longer the better...."

.... I look down....
.............my legs are short...
..........................and stumpy...
.....................................and do this weird thing at the knees that I hate! I never wear anything above my knees because of that! I hate them... they're ugly!!!

"well then, you sure as hell got the opposite now didn't you?" I joke.

fckn men!

then there's this video on tv from some band I can't even remember the name of, and that actress from Gossip Girl, Leighton Meester ( aka - the chick with the stupidest name ever!!), is singing a solo part.....

I say, "wow, she actually looks hot in this video...."

he says, "ah, she's ok... I like the blonde better.. in that show.. the one she's in..."

I say, "Blake Lively?! really? why? cuz she's a blonde?"

he says, "no... cuz she's got amazingly long legs...."

hhhmmmmmm!

fckn Blake Lively....


..........with her fuckin superbly, insect-like, super long legs!
.......................... nice shoes though!

http://whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com/

enough said.....

word of the week...

decipher....

"how do you spell that?"

silence....

"ok guys, if there's no answer right away, I know you guys don't know it!"

homework!!!

decipher....

use that in a sentence 3 times this week!

words of wisdom....

".... you always think I'm taking you for granted! I don't! At all.... you work yourself up and believe it... it's all in your head! Do me a favour... next time I'm taking you for granted, tell yourself it's all in your head!"


Thanks baby!!

courtesy *cough*....

so I came on here to really rant about how pissed off I get sometimes at work when I go to the washroom!!

Washroom etiquette!!! does no one know any!?

ok.... so if there are 4 stalls, side to side, and I choose stall 2 in the empty washroom, why, oh WHY must you choose stall 1 or 3, when stall 4 is CLEARLY available!? is it because you want a wiff of my lovely woman ass perfume!? Seriously!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and what's worse is when I pick stall 1, and there are THREE empty stalls next to me... and you walk in and decide you wanna hear me push for dear life and sit in stall 2!!!!! just for that, I'm letting an enormous fart out!!! Just gonna rip it! in hopes that maybe, just maybe, it'll break down the stall door and blow you the fuck away!!!

so I get back to my desk to write this post, disgusted and pissed off, and google 'washroom stalls' to find a pic (cuz I just think blogs look so much more appealing with a little visual aid!) and I came across some pretty funny shit! aaaaahhh.... HAHAHAHA!!! NO PUN INTENDED!!!!!!!
God, I'm funny!

ok, so not to be like every other blog out there (I don't want to make ppl feel like I'm stealing their ideas) but here are some pics that are just too funny not to share!

Exhibit 1: hhhhmmmm..... quite the package no?! (insert elephant noise here)! now that's a mating call!!! :D

Exhibit 2: Don't know what to do with your little one when nature calls?! Hang 'em! No, not that way you sick freak! Naturally buy this contraption and hang them on the back of the washroom stall door! The little girl is super confused by it all!! Look at her just scratching her head!! "MOM!... wtf man!! what the fuck is this shit!!! and now I gotta watch you piss... cooooome on!!!!" The little guy is obviously loving it! What a perv!!

Exhibit 3: "It's your duty" should be "It's your Doooootie! Ewwwh you sick fuck! Don't touch me with those nasty feces spoiled hands! fckr!! Do I touch my lady bits and wave my hand in front of your face.... Jerk!"

Exhibit 4: "Mom, I think this senior's home is just beautiful for you! Look at their toilets mom!! Don't you just wanna lay a big dump right there?! and you don't even have to worry if Dad pees on the seat, because the pretty flowers will camouflage it!!" ...............SOLD!

Exhibit 5: Communal peeing anyone? "WHERE did you get that thong!? OMG, it's soooo sexy!"

Exhibit 6: A toilet in Narita airport (where ever the fuck that is!) Men, please, feel free to pee on the floor!! Please!

Ok, enough shit talk! Let me leave you with some words of wisdom... from a ladies' washroom stall... of course!

Amen sister, Amen!